Gaming Shames

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As I mentioned in a recent post, I’ve been playing games for about 30 years now.

But like many people, I’ve got some shames, pretty bad ones too.

Here’s 11 I can think of. All of them are pretty shameful to a heavy gamer like myself.

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Passworded Files

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Okay, let’s just get something cleared up for all the fuckwits and retards that troll the web.

I DO NOT CONTROL THE PASSWORDED FILES.

I have never and will never password protect any of the files you find when you’re out and about. Every single password is submitted by people who are gracious and kind enough to either fill out the shitty surveys, brute force attack the rar files or find them out somehow.

It’s not me, honestly.

It’s really gets my goat when people post up comments like the one I’ve had this evening: More >

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The Best Game Ever Made

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I’ve been playing games ever since getting a Philips Videopac in 1982. No, I don’t know why they didn’t buy me an Atari, guess they didn’t love me enough.

Since then I’ve had (in order) a ZX Spectrum+, Amiga 500, SNES, PC, PS1, PS2, Gamecube, Gameboy Advance, Nokia N-Gage (yeah i know, but Tony Hawks was alright on it), Wii, Xbox 360, Nintendo DS, PSP and PS3.

So without sounding too arrogant I feel I’m in a good position to say what the best game ever made is. And I’ve come to the decision.

This game is far and away above every other game ever made in the last 20 years.

It’s a recent game, last year in fact. The playability and repeatability factor is first-rate. The story and attention to detail is amazing. It’s a first person game, there’s no people in it, nothing to kill and it’s a sequel.

What is it?

It’s…

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Holly Willoughby or Fearne Cotton?

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An old post I wrote entitled ‘Is Fearne Cotton Sexy?‘ proved to be very popular. God knows why but that’s fair enough. I’ll take the visitors where I can I suppose.

But watching Celebrity Juice last night I’ve come up with the following question: Holly Willoughby or Fearne Cotton?

I've intensively scoured the web and found both ladies at their best to ensure it would be an even match...

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Things that are defunct due to the web

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The Internet.

Officially the most important invention in the last 500 years. It allows the whole world to connect to each other. You can share information with anyone, instantly. You can invite your whole school to your house party. You can watch endless videos of babies falling over. Hell, you can even write reviews of rubbish films and literally tens of people will read them.

And there’s more porn than you can shake a stick at.

Too much, maybe? (now you’re shouting ‘you can never have too much porn!‘ aren’t you?)

But the Internet is, or is going to be, responsible for the death of so many things, and all of them within the last 10 years.

Here’s a list of things the Internet has destroyed and devoured. Mourn them, for your kids will not know the crap we went through.

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Annoying Adverts

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You know, I’m sick to death of shitty adverts worming their way onto my telly and radio.

But that’s it. I say no more.

No more to these crapheads with their pathetic attempts at making catchy and repetitive jingles, their twattish themes and purposefully making annoying adverts so people would talk about how frigging annoying they actually are.

Utter, utter wankers.

Let’s screw these fuckers where it hurts, right up the arse.

When an advert pisses you off, just boycott the shit out of them. Don’t recommend them. Don’t visit their crappy websites and tell anyone who’ll listen to stay away from them.

Best of all, send them an email telling them you’ll be doing so. If enough people do it, maybe they’ll actually start listening.

The following are a few companies I would personally recommend staying away from. I’ve no idea of their level of service, but due to their advert annoying 10 tons of shit out of me, I’ll never find out.

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A Personal Plea

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I’m desperately trying to get hold of two films from the bottom 100. Been trying for bloody ages and I can’t find them.

If anyone knows of anywhere I can find them please, please, please let me know.

The films are:

Anus Magillicutty

and

.com for Murder

I can’t sodding find them anywhere. And any film where the lead character is called Anus is worth a watch in my book!

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IMDb Bottom 100: #52 Time Chasers

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Time Chasers is a 1991 movie where a guy with a bumchin travels about in time using a Commodore 64, a light airplane, magna-doodle type vfx and some left over music from Miami Vice.

Warning - This film does NOT contain the following: Evil genius with half a face, buff hero, explosions.

In short: Piece of crap that was made in the 90′s. But looks like it was done in the late 70′s. Hero is a knobhead.

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Pissing About

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Frigging WordPress is pissing about since I moved over the hosting. I was trying to post a review of Time Chasers (which is worth is coz the main star has an arse for a chin and a mullet!)

I can’t upload any photos and the theme has buggered up.

Bollocks to it, I can’t be bothered messing around with it now. I was going to watch a film tonight and I could be at this all night. I’ll sort it out early next week some time.

Edit: I’m watching Wrecked. Had my eye on this one for a while

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IMDb Bottom 100: #55 Miss Cast Away and The Island Girls

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Miss Cast Away and The Island Girls is your typical trapped-on-a-desert-island with Noah’s Ark, Noah, The Planet of the Apes and a pig-dinosaur movie starring Eric Roberts, Charlie Schlatter, some bad actresses with big tits plus a cameo from Michael Jackson as Agent MJ…

Yep.

Entertainment Insiders are clearly staffed by cretins, morons and mentally challenged chimps.

In short: Take an enormous dog turd, coat in dried vomit and flecks of yellow dandruff, marinate in period blood and lightly drizzle in old man’s piss. Now consume slowly for 1 hour and 27 minutes and you get this film.

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