Archive for September, 2008

Woo, actual real game news!

This is the first teaser trailer for Mirror’s Edge, which is a Parkour game, it’s all in first person which should be interesting. But you gotta admit, the trailer looks pretty fucking trippy! Hope it’s not bogged down with a shit load of unnecessary fighting and all that usual bollocks.

Looks like we’ve gone full circle with the movies. Hollywood has officially run out of fresh scripts so they’re just remaking all the cult stuff from the 80′s.

First off, there’s Weird Science, then there’s Short Circuit, the classic brat pack movie Red Dawn, The Karate Kid being produced by Will Smith’s company, Overlook pictures, and he’s wanted to put his 9 year old son on it, so that’s gonna suck balls, another bloody Friday the 13th, with a dumb bunch of teenagers being stupid little pricks and finding a boarded up Camp Crystal Lake. And finally there’s frigging Top Gun, which was more homo-erotic than 300.

So come on, bring on a remake of The Goonies, Nightmare on Elm Street and Home Alone and just kill me now.

I’m sure by now everyone has seen the Internet Party where Google is introducing everyone around.

Here’s the sequel with google organising an intervention for the sake of myspace, it’s pretty funny and you’re a true internet geek if you know exactly what everyone’s talking about:

Virgin Broadband just get a little bit shitter.

I stopped the direct debit as they were taking a load of money off me rather than the £14.99 monthly fee they’re supposed to take. This week i owed them a whopping £20.56 so they cut me off yesterday morning without warning. Rang them up and paid them, they said i would be back on within a couple of hours. It’s now been over 24 and i’m still not back online. Even though i’d paid my bill yesterday morning i was still flagged to disconnection and they couldn’t override it.

Clearly their software was written by Skynet and has become sentient to such a point where nothing can be overridden as it makes all the decisions for the company so their monkey employees can sit on the end of a headset and say ‘Sorry, there’s nothing i can do, is there anything else i can help you with?’. No, you fucking fuckfucks, you never helped me with the first thing, therefore you should be saying ‘Is there anything i can actually do something about?’.

The missus rang up yesterday, was essentially on the phone for around an hour and got told that there’s loads of people in this situation and it should be back on with 48 hours, if it’s not back on within 4 days give them a call.

48 hours?! 4 fucking days!!!

You are a bunch of wankers, Virgin Broadband. I fucking hate you so much.

This is lesson for everyone. You get what you pay for. I pay Virgin fifteen quid a month and i get shit in a box for it. The draconian method of tying me in for 12 months has me prisoner until next June, although come early next year, i’ll just pay the rest off and go elsewhere.

Fucking clown shoes, all of them.

Just imagine if you could go back in time 15 years to 1993. What would you do?

I ask this because cnet has a great article called The 50 most significant moments of Internet History and a lot of them were within the last 20 years.

It’s also amazing how many ‘fast bucks’ have been made. The selling of hotmail to Microsoft. Buying sex.com and it becoming the most expensive domain name ever. The creation and selling of YouTube. Even the $100,000 funding of a startup company in 1998 called Backrub, which then changed its name to Google.

And what were the rest of us doing while all this remarkable world-changing stuff was going on?

Well, i was at Uni smoking shitty boot polish ganja and getting drunk for £1.10 a pint, while hearing about this new search engine that’s brings better results than Yahoo.

To quote Comic Book Guy: ‘Oh, i’ve wasted my life…’

Religulous is a documentary movie directed by Larry Charles (did Curb and Borat) all about religion. It’s specifically aimed at the 16% of people on this planet that don’t believe in religion. Basically, the normal, intelligent, well adjusted people in this world. The ones that don’t believe in a higher power simply because they’re told to by someone else.

Anyway, before i get onto my soapbox, here’s the trailer. It’s something i’m looking forward to watching anyway.

Sorry boys and girls but Microsoft said this won’t be happening. At least not at launch anyway. They say that while you won’t be able to play online with your friends from day one, offline co-op will be available and you’ll still be able to see your online mates as ‘glowing orbs’ and trade with them.

Gamerscore says Lionhead is aiming for the “first week” of launch to get the update out, but didn’t they say that the facility to launch online multiplayer world tour in rock band would be coming out in an update. 4 months later and we’re still waiting for it…

Nintendo are rumoured to announce the next version of the DS on October 2nd. It’s not a DS2 or anything, it’s more of an upgrade to the current DS, kinda like a DS Liter.

Looks like it will have a camera, a music ripper, better wireless connection and possible browser.

There’s other rumours of an XBox 360 Slim coming out at some point as well. People are rumouring this and others are denying it left, right and centre. Manufacturers tend to do this throughout the life cycle of a console when components become smaller and cheaper so expect one out within the next year or so.

I’m trying to stop smoking at work. So far i’ve lasted 2 and a half hours, i like the fact that my fingers only smell of wee and not of smoke and wee like they usually do, but i have a horrible taste in the back of my throat as all the dockers omelettes begin to come loose.

And going off on a tangent now i would like to teach the world the correct use of a word that seems to becoming the new there/their/they’re.

LOSE: To come to be without. Lose; lost; losing. e.g. I’d lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on.

LOOSE: The opposite of tight. Loose; Loosen, Loosest. e.g. This screw feels a bit loose, i’d better tighten it.

You do not loose things, you can loosen things if you want, but only things that would need loosening would be things that are too tight in the first place.

Please get this right, it’s really fucking annoying, you fucking illiterate morons.

Woo, nearly 3 hours without a fag and i feel great already…

The new series of Knight Rider has started in America this week and the critics are less than favourable:

USA Today gives it one star (out of four) and says:

… There is much to despise in Knight Rider, a shockingly incompetent, barely coherent, ad-driven rip-off … Instead of just aiming the show at children, maybe NBC should let them write and perform it. They could hardly do worse.

The Chicago Sun-Times says:

… The only thing that KITT (voiced by Val Kilmer, who delivers every line so flat, you’d swear someone hooked up the Hal 9000 from “2001: A Space Odyssey” to a morphine drip) can’t do is write a better script.

So, sorry guys and gals, looks like it won’t be going the same way as Battlestar, which i guess is the only tv show to be remade successfully. Bionic Woman was good to start with but then turned pish.

I’m getting addicted to Warhammer online now, and it’s a wonderful thing. It’s also rumoured to be coming out on the 360 according to IGN.

I would even go so far as to say it’s better than World of Warcraft. There certainly seems a lot more to do in it. There’s still a couple of bugs, most of it to do with the heavy loading as you approach a new area, but i doubt that’ll last for long as they seem to be regularly patching.

On another note THQ have released the roster for Smackdown ’09 but i don’t think it’s even worth putting it up here, it’s just going to be whoever is popular in WWE at the moment and apart from Wrestlemania and the fantastic Royal Rumble i don’t really pay much attention to rasslin these days.

Other than that there’s not much happening this week, Brothers in Arms: Hell’s Highway is out, which is, get this, a first person shooter with a WW2 setting. Sounds amazing i think you’ll agree.

Pure is out, which is well worth a rental if you want something fun to play this weekend.

PDC World Championship Darts 2008 is also out, i’m sure that would be fun for the break in the middle of Corrie, though it might get a bit boring by the time the Harveys advert comes back on.