Archive for January, 2009

Hands up who had a Speccy way back in the day.

Ok, well hands up who used to buy Crash magazine.

Good, good. Now, hands up who used to buy Crash magazine and turn straight to near the back to read the latest thrilling installment of Jetman. Possibly the best monthly comic series ever written. Here’s just a little sample and it’s still as funny now as it was 25 years ago.

Lookit

As there’s no decent games coming out during the next couple of weeks and you people moan when i don’t write anything, i may as well just let you know what’s interesting me at this moment in time.

Today it looks like The Simpsons is going to be no more. Ok, that’s a little extreme, the real facts are Nancy Cartwright has been leaving recorded adverts on people’s phones promoting her speech at a Scientology conference (coz she’s a Scientologist, see).

The biggest problem is that occasionally she moves into her Bart voice and she even says at one point ‘This is Bart Simpson’. Now Fox clearly owns the character and they’re going to go fucking ballistic if the Simpsons are being used to promote this culty bollocks.

Currently the official line is ‘They’re looking into it’ which means they’ve got a room full of speccy lawyers looking at each not knowing what to do. I mean, lets face it, the voice actors for The Simpsons have got diplomatic immunity, haven’t they. They’re never going to get replaced or sacked and should they cancel The Simpsons for just this?

It’s a conundrum and no mistake.

A statue from the most fantastic point and click game ever made. What, you’ve never played it?

Then you want to be starting with a little program called Scumm. Then it’s a trip over to torrents.

Admit it, it’s pretty beautiful. You certainly can’t deny the aesthetics.

http://www.symbiotestudios.com/Products/Sam-and-Max-Statue__008665470932.aspx

Your sadism is a credit to your profession, Max

As you know i can’t go onto Amazon and just buy what i need to buy. It always needs to come with, um, supplements…

So i’ve taken the plunge and bought the following

Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream (bom bom bom bom)

And if it’s not good i’m going to be kicking the dm’s arse all the way to kingdom come, or until i get knocked out for kicking his arse repeatedly.

My boss has given me a blu-ray player for a wedding present seeing as he’s got some in for a promo he’s running. The problem being is the account manager is saying i should wait until March to get it. My boss doesn’t care and has left it up to her to decide when i get it.

She’s absolutely loving the whole Schadenfraude behind it and the grin on her face is unbearable.

Now the caveat is that she needs me as her technical support more than i need her as an account manager. So i need to slowly drive her insane so she will finally relent. Most of it’s going to be messing around with settings on her computer.

She already knows about taking a screenshot of the desktop and getting rid of the shortcuts so i can’t do that. One good trick is to set a password protected screensaver to kick in after 1 minute of inactivity. That’ll be good short-term, but i need something that’s a minor annoyance rather than something that’s deeply obvious and she won’t necessarily know how to fix. She doesn’t have speakers on so sound is out.

I also need something that won’t jeopardise my job so mailbombing with porn is completely out. But things like reversing the scrollwheel or swapping the mouse buttons is good.

I don’t normally ask you chaps for help but if anyone knows anything that may help (or in this case, hinder) i’m all ears.

Ah, the perfect after pub food. All wrapped up in a tasty toasty pita pocket. Lettuce, cabbage, onion and tomatoes. It’s grease food and we all know it, but it’s bloody good and tastes heavenly after 8 pints down the Dog and Frog.

Glistening under the street lights as you wander home it does look rather yummy.

BBC has an article about a study of what’s in a doner. And, unsurprisingly, it’s pretty bad.

The average doner contains 1,000 calories, 98% of an adults recommended salt allowance and 148% of their daily saturated fat allowance.

And it gets worse. 35% of kebabs tested contained a different meat to those advertised. 2 were even advertised as Halal and they contained pork meat. There’s also very little difference between a small and a large in terms of weight.

18.5% of doners pose a significant threat to public health and 0.8% posed an imminent threat.

Of course, we all knew it’s full of shite and this information really isn’t going to put a lot of people off, especially the young folk who don’t actually give a shit about what they eat. You can’t deny that it’s still pretty nasty.

But we still can’t hold a candle to the crap that America churns out. Men’s Health magazine have published their annual USA’s worst food list and coming out on top is Baskin Robbins Large Chocolate Orea Milkshake.

A heart attack in a disposable cup.

This bad boy contains a total of 2,600 calories, 135 grams of fat (59 of which are saturated), 263 grams of sugar and 1,700 milligrams of sodium.

So if you ate nothing else all day this would still be over the level of everything you could consume in one day. No wonder all yanks are fat fuckers who have to get a motorised scooter to shove their flabby guts around Disneyworld.

The amount of disgustingly chunky yanks with their many rolls of fat and half eaten pizza down their top sat on these things getting straight to the front of the queue on the rides when i was there was unbelievable.

What's that? Water retention? More like fucking lard retention. Or cake retention.

I kept saying ‘What the hell? Fatness is not a disability’ a little bit louder than necessary. It made me fell better. Of course they didn’t give a shit but then the rest of the world hate the Americans so i guess they’re used to it by now.

I’m not quite sure where i went with today’s post. It started off a public information and ended with a rant. Ah well, i can’t be arsed to change it now so that’s all you’re getting for today.

Forgot to say, i watched Idiocracy again over the weekend, and it was a lot more enjoyable than the first time i saw it.

I guess it’s one of those multi-layered movies where you have to see it multiple times to full appreciate it.

If you haven’t seen it, it’s about a guy called Joe Bowers who’s the most average person the military can find. Then they stick him in cryogenics and accidentally forget all about it.

Cue waking up 500 years later and society has been so dumbed down he’s easily the most intelligent person alive. The number one film of the year is called ‘Ass’, which is precisely that, for 90 minutes. The most watched tv show is called ‘Ow, my balls’ which consists of a guy getting repeatedly kicked in the nuts and the president of the USA is an ex-wrestler.

The best thing about the movie is you come away from it and you still see it everywhere you look. The intelligent people are have a couple of children at the most after a lot of deliberation while the cretins and scum of this world are breeding like fucking rabbits.

So a future like this really doesn’t seem too far-fetched.

This country is shit. I don’t know if i’ve said it before but it really is utter shit. Today Cannabis has gone back to class B thanks to Home Secretary Jacqui Smith being a fucking ignoramus, completely dismissing the Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs’ review to not reclassify it and going ahead and doing it anyway.

What a fucking ignorant fucking bitch.

She was on Radio 1 last week answering questions by the Radio 1 listeners. Unfortunately most of these people were pigshit-thick mouth breathers who couldn’t hold up their own dicks let alone a competent argument so she won easily.

They’re even considering bringing in the 3 strikes rule. 1st: A warning. 2nd: A fine. 3rd: Up in court. Fantastic idea! Why not just chop my fucking fingers off now. What are you in for? Armed robbery of a post office, what are you in for? Smoking weed at home watching Futurama.

The entire thing is a load of old crap and it just gives me another reason to hate this shithole of a country. The law regarding this just reeks of a cheap political manoeuvre rather than the safety of the general public. Christ, what’s to keep safe?

I’m not going to bother going through the whole cannabis vs alcohol debate. Any sane, non-blinkered person knows the facts suffice to say it seems this silly cow would prefer me to go out and get boozed up in the pubs then walk home at 1am shouting my head off rather than sitting at home quietly watching telly with a spliff and a glass of wine.

Labour wankers.

Playr had a preview of Street Fighter IV over the weekend. It looks wank.

Down, towards, hard punch. Repeat.

Oh you want me to elaborate? Fuck’s sake.

It just looks like Street Fighter II but with 3d ish style gfx. But it’s still the same flamin’ game. It’s still another generic 1 on 1 fighter and unless you’re a student living with mates or a 14 year old who spends every evening locked away in his room playing games every night (Hang on, this is me! Buggeration.) so you can then you ain’t gonna care about this game in the slightest.

Or it might just be a rental. No doubt i’ll get sucked into the glow of a decent review and get it. But i don’t want to.

Unfortunately that means the next decent game on the horizon is F.E.A.R. 2 on 13th Feb or failing that you’re looking at Godfather II on 27th Feb.

So you may as well get Skate 2 in the meantime. It’s really difficult, incredibly frustrating and deeply addictive. But don’t if you didn’t like the first one. Can’t be doing with people moaning at me that they don’t like it.