Archive for April, 2009
An Interview with Activision
Apr 30th
Below is an excerpt from an interview conducted with the marketing director of Activision.
Interviewer: I’m here with Hank Shaft, who is the marketing director of Activision and today we’re going to talk about the new Wolverine game. Hank, how’re you doing?
Hank: BUBBLING FANNY BATTER
Beware of Fuckwits Trying to Scam You
Apr 29th
You may have read a couple of weeks ago that i sold a photocopier from work on eBay saying ‘Pickup only’, then some cock bought it and wanted it delivered to Yemen.
The price of the copier was £100, the delivery charge to send to the arse end of nowherer was £850. So he’s been reassuring me that someone’s going to pick it up. Well here’s the latest correspondence between us:
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Teamwork is a dish best served cold – or something.
Apr 29th
Me and Simp finally finished Resident Evil 5 last night, and it was thoroughly enjoyable. Ending was a bit drawn out but it was better than just the obligatory sub-boss fight then end boss fight.
I would certainly recommend it to anyone looking for one of the best co-op games on the market. It actually makes you work together and share out supplies rather than grabbing everything like a loot whore. Something that the young gentleman is all too aware of.
I’ve suggested we move onto Rainbow Six Vegas 2, i loved the first one and it will be cool to properly flank the baddies rather than telling your braindead AI teammates to shoot over there, no there, shoot, don’t just run in the wall then drop a grenade, just bloody shoot ‘em… fucking game.
After mentioning it yesterday i was nosying on gamespot last night and a beta key for battlefield heroes was available so i grabbed one of those little beauties and did myself a bit of overnight downloading. It looks a lot like Team Fortress 2 where the gfx are a slightly cartoony but it’s battlefield, it’s on the pc (Mmm, proper controls with a keyboard and mouse…) and it’s free when it fully comes out, so that’s a triple bonus all round.
Chuck Green – A New Breed of Hero
Apr 28th
Betas and Movies
Apr 28th
The Bioshock movie is definitely going ahead and Gore Verbinsky has even passed on directing a fourth Pirates of the Caribbean to do this film. Although the studio are bit pissed off that it wants a budget of $160m, which would be the most expensive game to movie ever made.
At the moment it’s been delayed while they try to work out where to film, they’re thinking of going outside America to take advantage of the tax break. It was originally going to be released along with the 3rd game, but that’s taking too long to do so then it was brought forward to next year. Now it’s in a holding pattern while they work out how to shrink the budget, but they assure it’s not going to be cancelled like Halo was.
Will it suck balls big time like the rest of them or will they do it properly, keep to the original story, not make it family friendly and not fart arse around with important bits. Like removing the Big Daddies or Little Sisters or anything like that.
On another note there’s a few beta keys flying around at the moment. Gamespot are giving away 100,000 keys for Battlefield Heroes. I saw this one a while back on Playr, it’s going to be free to play eventually but this is a chance to play it early and brag on the net about it. Looks very entertaining.
Champions Online are giving away betas for early testing and whether you think it’ll be shite or awesome (seems like a direct copy of City of Heroes to me) playing it for free and playing it first is always a bonus.
Cities XL looks interesting, they’re not giving much away about it, but it looks like a city builder game but everyone does their bit and the whole world joins together. So you can create leisure parks and that, then other (real) people will visit it making you money and you can build and expand. Might be fantastic, might be another Spore. But the beta keys are up and available for the lucky few.
Ow ow ow
Apr 27th
Frigging hell, my hands hurt today. Yesterday was our first band practice where all of us were there this year. And we have a gig in the middle of next month so we wisely went through the set list yesterday. And my hands have all gone soft and girly due to not playing much this year. Hence this rather nasty blister on my right finger. Damn thing built up and burst itself within the space of 2 hours.
Apologies if you're eating food right now.
Can’t bloody extend my finger fully today as it pulls at the skin. Also need to buy some new sticks as the ones i’ve got are a load of rubbish.
One cool thing is, the brother of our guitarist works and lives abroad in all these far eastern countries like Thailand, China and Vietnam, etc. and he brought back 40-odd X360 games that won’t work on his machine, so he’s given them to me. And amazingly, most of them i don’t have, so i’ll have to sift through those little monkeys at some point to see what’s region free and what’s not.
Over this weekend just gone, 2 annoyances have come to light:
1. Microsoft support isn’t as good as I first thought. In fact, they’re a bunch of tosspot wankshafts like everyone else. 19 days i’ve been waiting for this bloody steering wheel to come through and no sign of it. So i rang up on Saturday. After going through all the recorded messages of repeatedly telling me to check the X360 website, then going through the crappy checks for them to ‘bring up my details’ they tell me they’re waiting for this wheel to come back to them. I informed them that I didn’t have to send it back and they originally said ‘Do whatever you want with it’. Their response was ‘Yeah, it’s tagged down on here that they’re waiting for that one to be sent back’.
So why the fuck didn’t you tell me that 3 weeks ago you inept indian call centre fucktards!
What is it about Indian call centres that drive me up the fucking wall? Is it that I have to spell every fucking thing I ever say? Or is it when I say something, they always leave this irritating pause of around 5 seconds before they answer? Or after everything I ever say, their response is ‘yes‘, then they tell me there’s nothing more they can do and is there anything else they can help me with today?
No, you never helped me with the first fucking thing you cretin! How the buggery flip can I ever realistically expect you to help me with anything that isn’t on your shitty flow chart?
2. I’ve become a bit of an achievement whore on Skate 2, got around 800 and odd so far, but the shitter is, 6 or 8 of the achievements left can only be got if I download and pay for the extra spots? What the fuck? You bunch of fucking robbing bastards. That was never part of the deal. You’re supposed to put all the achievements for the game itself, not for expansion packs that you’ve already decided to leave them out of the main game and put them up as a payable download after release. Just pure greed if you ask me.
Arkham Asylum gameplay
Apr 24th
Here you go, goys and goils. This is what you’ve been waiting for.
Gameplay footage of Batman: Arkham Asylum. And you know what. It doesn’t looks three bad does it. One comment i read on the website i nicked this from reckons it’s harkening back to the days of Tenchu, but when it was still good.
See what you think.
Jim the Porno Guy
Apr 23rd
On a nice light note, this kinda shit before free porn on the net takes us all back.
I personally remember Simper used to get our housemates at Uni to buy him porn, and it was always Club International. Mind you, it had some classy blart in there, and he always let me borrow it after he’s finished reading it. Well, the pages that weren’t already stuck together I read anyway.
Edit: I’ve removed this sodding video coz it auto-plays and it’s a pain in the arse. If you want to see it, it’s on kontraband somewhere…
Rewind, rewind
Apr 23rd
I’ve just watched Tommy Coopers death on Youtube. You know, where he collapses on stage and everyone thinks it’s part of the act. I’d never actually seen it before.
I really wish i hadn’t watched it now. Sometimes our morbid curiosity just gets the better of us and it never turns out good.
It was really sad to watch and quite chilling. I guess he went doing what he did best, but it’s still not something i’d ever like to see again. I guess that’s a lesson for us all. Once you’ve seen something, you can’t ever take it back.
*shrugs out of it*
Sorry about that, it just really caught me off guard. Not sure what I was expecting to see…
Mega64
Apr 22nd
These people are brilliant.
I posted one a while back of a chap taking off the merchant in Resident Evil 4 and saying ‘Welcome Stranger’ to passers by while displaying his wares on the inside of his coat.
Here they are again taking off one of the most beautiful games ever made: Shadow of the Colossus.
It’s pretty funny.
