Big Cook, Little Cook
I’d just like to warn you now. I fucking HATE Big Cook Little Cook. Really, really fucking hate them. They’re a couple of talentless patronising wankers.
They seem to believe singing crap songs and making really shit cookie based snacks constitutes a valuable and educational pre-school tv show. But what grates on me the most is when they go ‘Hoo-hoooo’ instead of actually laughing ALL THE FUCKING TIME. The entire thing is just so patronising that it makes my blood boil.
The ONLY worthwhile bit is the little ginger Shaggy-wannabe shitface goes to see how Jam is made, or something.
You spunky faced little fuck
Jelly Boats and Pirate Smiles, Princess Pea Pies…
What the fuck? You can sing the song without having to do all the frigging actions, and really stupid crap actions. It wouldn’t be so bad if it was sign language like Justin does in Something Special but it’s not, it’s just makes you look like a couple of wankers; which you are.
What now? Can we play? Not yet, it’s time to clean and put away. Hooray!
Who the fuck says Hooray when they’ve been told they have to clean and tidy up? It’s just a necessary evil of making a mess in the first place. No-one in the history of anything has said Hooray when they have to put their shit away, they just get on with it and get it finished as quickly as possible.
And then it’s that fucking end song. This is when i want to rip my telly off the stand and smash it on the floor feeling triumphant. Watch that bit when they bounce past the camera singing ‘Tidy all the pots and pans…’, Little Cook does it with what little dignity he’s got left but Big Cook nods his head enthusiastically as he jumps, and consequently can’t see where he’s going or what he’s doing. So he just looks like a big fat cock, with all spunk dribbling out of the end.
This is by far the worst programme on telly and I for one will be campaigning outside Downing Street to have these twatshits publicly raped by balloons full of wasps.
Of course, the boy loves it so i have to sit through it, it’s that or go into the kitchen and play solitaire on my phone while gnashing my teeth.
about 1 year ago
It makes me laugh that they’re trying to reinvent themselves as “lads” and now do that Crash Test Dummies show.
Big Cock with a skinhead and little cock less ginger…
They’re both still knobjockeys.
and no…Big Cock Ben does NOT look like me.
about 1 year ago
Never thought he did.
But even that crash test spunkers crap is just a kids version of Brainiac.
What did make me laugh was they were on some kind of lists show, you know, where they get a shit load of Z listers to talk about the memorable piece of pop culture history that we all already know tons about, then they describe it all from beginning to end as we’re seeing it on telly.
And the captions at the bottom categorised them as ‘Comedians’.
HAH!
about 1 year ago
Oh! … MY! …GOD!!
One word….
Flying f**king wooden Spoon….. I mean What the Fuck?
I mean who on this earth fly’s about on a wooden spoon, even if they had a wooden spoon they still wouldn’t fly about on the thing, I mean coulnt they have though of anything better, like a death defying tin can opener? or a flying egg cup, at least it looks like a flying saucer.. oh hang on, they could have used a flying “saucer” but oh fucking NO!… what do they go and use….
well….
ill tell you…
A FUCKING WOODEN SPOOOONNNNN?????????
Argh..
grr
(des a roundhouse in his mind)
I mean… everyone knows its not even aerodynamic.. is it? :S
about 1 year ago
I have decided you should introduce your boy the the wonderful world of “The Wiggles” on DVD or download it… if you cant stand Big Cook then you will almost probably comit suicide when you watch them for more than 10 min..
about 11 months ago
I know what you mean, i hate them – all big , then all small….
what about medium sized cooks, i mean honestly, who ever wanted those bas***ds on the tv.
Let`s all get together and drown them in custard, then burn their bodies in a microwave…
about 9 months ago
Fuck you are some sad people with nothing else to do with your lifes . It is a kids program my kid loves singing and doing the moves , how pathetic can people get . Grow up you fucking mugs
about 9 months ago
Mike.
Why do I suspect that you do not have a boy.
Well,of your own,at least.
I also suspect that you are overweight, smell slightly of cheese and wiggle when you walk
about 9 months ago
Lol what a complete mong . You must be really young or just a complete retard , I’m guessing your overweight mate sitting infront of your pc all day do you get out much lmao. If you have kids I feel sorry for them I really do , by the way I’ve got 1 boy and 2 girls . What about yourself then
about 9 months ago
Before this gets into some pathetic flame war, I’m trying to illustrate the fact that Big Cook, Little Cook is REALLY awful (albeit with a lot of swearing)
There are some great pre-school shows on CBeebies, Mr Maker is fine, so’s anything Justin Fletcher is in and I can sit through Fireman Sam, Bob the Builder and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse with a smile on my face all day.
But Big Cook Ben can shove Little Cook Small up his arse then tidy all the pots and pans while he fucks off from my tv. I really can’t stand them.
The boy doesn’t mind it. But he hates Tigger and Pooh with a passion. Go figure.
How these two patronising shits ever got their own tv show is beyond me. They’re even worse than that weird guy with the afro who does the continuity on Playhouse Disney, he just makes my top lip curl.
You can entertain children without being condescending, and going ‘Hoo-HOO! after everything is plain irritating.
about 8 months ago
Hey Michael
Well at least your kids will grow up knowing how to cook absolutely inedible crap! And maybe with some luck they will develop a great dress sense like Big Cook….Keep watching you nob
about 7 months ago
I have just watched Big Cook Ben simulate anal sex with a orbital sander on little Cook Small
I can’t bloody believe it. Have been up all night with the youngest urchin and put on crap night time telly to while away the time.
Sky 3 in fact, possibly the crappest channel ever allowed on Freeview but hey, it is free.
And what pops up but Crash Test Dummies and I can’t reach the remote with waily boy on my lap. So I sit and watch, and after some vaguely laddish attempts to shoot through bulletproof glass I started to recognise the two men on it. It’s Big and Small .
Five minutes later it’s ‘test the Kevlar jeans by bending Little Cook over in a campervan and pushing an orbital sander up his bum’