Upcoming games that you know will be shit.

You know what it’s like. You see a preview of a game that’s got a release date 5 years from now, you think ‘well, that could be good’. Give it 10 minutes, then realise ‘Actually, that’s going to suck more balls than a [insert camp celebrity here]‘.

1. Highlander
It’s going to be wank isn’t it. It’s been in development for sodding ages. It was supposed to come out early last year and seems to have taken longer than the new Splinter Cell game. I can’t put my finger on this one, just think it’s going to really toss.

Looks wonderful. Probably won't be.

2. Prison Break: The Conspiracy
Let me just throw a few titles at you. Lost. Desperate Housewives. Little Britain. CSI. The common element? They’ve all had games based on them and they’ve all been shite. For crying out loud, learn from this won’t you?

Great likeness. That must mean the game's awesome...

3. Lego Harry Potter: Years 1-4
Oh for eff’s sake, give us a break will you. Just because we enjoyed Lego Star Wars doesn’t mean we want to play Lego Pink Panther, Lego Baby Geniuses and Lego Legally Blonde. Stop with the bloody Lego movie franchises will you. They got boring at Batman.

Go away, it's not a novelty any more

4. Sonic & Sega All-Stars Racing
Shameless soulless cash-in for the kiddies, full of wank that isn’t as good as Mario Kart. No kart racing game is EVER as good as Mario Kart, the quicker everyone learns this the more money parents will save buying dickcheese like this for their screaming offspring.

I hope this is as good as Sega Superstars Tennis...

5. 90% of all Wii Games ever made or going to be made
What a waste of a console. The Wii is going to go down within hardcore gamers as a complete joke. The amount of really decent games on it can be counted on one hand. Everything else is purest solid 100% turd.

Best. Game. Evar.